Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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