You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
