Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
