I faked an abortion last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
