what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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