I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
