...so i touched it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
