We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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