he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
