i can't believe i had my finger in that
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
