I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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