In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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