plz talk dirty to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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