She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
