Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I lost the right to judge tonight
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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