maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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