Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
