when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
