Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
