Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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