btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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