Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
