please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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