K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
