Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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