I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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