SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
