I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
