the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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