Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
