Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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