Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
