she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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