Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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