His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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