The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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