My room smells like vodka and shame
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
