You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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