i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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