hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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