I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
