I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
