He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
