3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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