The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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