Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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