Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
