she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize