just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
