I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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