I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
