I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
