fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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