I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
