I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
