I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
