I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
