My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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