Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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