This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
